I smell of smoke, I’ve blackened the tips of my fingers with ash, run with the wind and felt the warmth of a tree in the depths of the night. Walked upon the ground with bare feet with the moon veiled behind a bank of clouds with only the wind and trees to see me.
It’s been an interesting evening.
I would say that tonight was a profound experience, but I think this time I have to admit that it was an experience and a victory for myself. It started as something rather innocuous, just going out to get some dinner. It was quite late, for me at least, to be eating dinner but I had planned to have pizza tonight so there was no problem there. When I got outside I wasn’t cold, despite the fairly severe winds that were blowing. The night was well and truly set so it was fairly dark. For some reason, when the wind started blowing again, I just had this urge to RUN – so I ran, most of the way down to the pizzeria and back. While I was eating, because the pizza was wood fired, I got ash of my fingers. Later when the wind picked up again I was just… struck by this urge, this urge to go outside and be a part of whatever it was the was happening outside.
It was a very… primal moment for me. I didn’t think about it, I just went and did it. There was a moment or two, more… elongated moments than the blinking of an eye kind of moment, where I did feel as though I wasn’t completely in charge of my actions. Walking to the park and walking away from the park I felt… ever so slightly detached from my body. Separately, for some reason I felt a sense of… accomplishment when I set foot on the grass tonight. As I was approaching the grass I felt apprehensive, like I was about to do something forbidden, but when I actually stood upon the grass of the park tonight I felt this THRILL. It felt as though I had done something important or achieved something… but for the life of me I couldn’t tell you what. Another thing that felt… in that same zone was when I took my shirt off and leant against one of the trees. The tree itself felt warm, its bark had this subtle heat to it.
I’d appreciate some thoughts on this one from anyone that reads this, there are a lot of questions in my mind now and not nearly enough answers, or even parts of answers.