Catchup: Going Down then Going Up Again

Right from the outset I want to reassure you and myself that this does in fact have a point relating to Pagans and Heathens, however long it might take to get there…

Over the weekend I stay with a friend of mine and yesterday we watched a movie called Out in the Dark.


Out in the Dark is an Israeli LGBT movie all about an Israeli lawyer and a Palestinian psychology student falling in love and slowly forced apart by their country’s shared, but different, intolerances (Arab hate for Israel and, as far as the movie is concerned, LGBT hate for Palestine) only see one of them in prison and one of them sailing to France as an illegal immigrant by the end of the movie – admittedly with an open ending, you don’t actually find out what happens in the end.

The night that I watched I went to bed with a definite down, pessimistic mood that stuck with me until really, now. It is silly, in some regards, to be so heavily affected by a movie (though I am fairly certain that was part of the purpose in making the movie). However what hit me wasn’t just the message of the movie, but all the things that extrapolated out of the movie’s ending.

Love falling to Hate.

Hope falling to Hopelessness.

Fighting for a better world that never gets better.

Whenever I see a movie like this I am reminded of why I do certain things, why I volunteer for so many things. At least, normally. This time I was hit, almost physically, by how… Hopeless the situation seems – not just concerning the immediate subject of the movie, that being the romance between the student and the lawyer but the bigger situation in that part of the world and all the… issues… that arise from it and then, when gripped by the possibility of being able to do something to work towards a better state there, lost in the reality that in trying to help I would subject to the very things that would be trying to better – including most probably having to conceal my Pagan and Heathen practices (although a recent article by The Wild Hunt has shed some light on this particular concern) which struck me as such a statement of how hopeless things are/seem, having to hide something in order to try and fight for others to have better lives.

Essentially, I lost hope that anything could be changed, that things would ever be better. I was genuinely starting to freak out more than a little bit and needed to do something to take my mind of… everything. So I poured myself into applying for jobs for several hours which ironically, resulted in the moderate dissolution of my hopelessness because I found an opportunity that if gotten would be incredibly good for me.

The entire experience has left me wondering how people for whom fighting to make the world better manage to keep themselves going each day.


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