The closer and closer that I get to my time in Costa Rica the more it becomes apparent to me that there are a few areas where the two things that I want can’t really exist at the same time. The best example of this is wanting, quite literally, my own personal space in my personal life all the while I am yearning to be a part of a Pagan and/or Heathen group in order to expand that part of my life even more. In Costa Rica I am very likely to have lots of the former, but pretty much none of the latter. Where I am now, in Sydney, I have absolutely none of the former but relatively lots of the latter. In many regards I should be bothered what is gradually becoming a recurring theme in certain parts of my life, but every time I think about this kind of disparity I think back to something that I was told in my second year at university.

You start with a thesis, an idea. Then comes the analysis, dissecting the idea. Next is the anti-thesis, the opposite of your original thought. Finally comes synthesis, the creation of a new idea out of the previous three stages.

Disparity is something that I feel is, and I would include myself in this, too often looked upon as something negative. I couldn’t really say why this seems to be, but I would hazard a guess that it has something to do with the seemingly endless need for harmony in everything. The enlightenment of the human species. Really, thats not something that I want to happen because… Well, let me use a metaphor via reference to The Shivering Isles expansion for Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. In the expansion the entire storyline revolves around you basically being turned into the next god of madness. Its a bit of an oversimplification, but it suffices. The twist of the story comes when you are told that the god of order, whose minions you have been fighting for a sizeable chunk of the expansion, is in fact the alter ego of the god of madness. A fight ensues, you defeat the god of order and become the god of madness.

Its actually a fairly interesting story, and fun game, but the important part for this is why everything went down. Basically, order was making the universe stagnant.

Its both easy and difficult to conceptualise. Ordering everything in absolute totality almost turned the universe into nothing.

The gist of the expansion is that things need to keep changing in order for there to be anything to, well, exist. Otherwise, with everything in its place there is no purpose to the universe.

I’m really fond of the idea that for the universe to work, there needs to be constant disparity.


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